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An open letter to the Spirit Rock

"But do not worry McIntosh rock! You have been brought here to inspire students." (photo/

Dear McIntosh rock.

Hello! My name is Zach. I'm one of those strange creatures that walks around you all day on two legs looking progressively more miserable. You probably will see lots of us creatures, we prefer the term "human college student," as you are literally situated in the middle of campus, between our student center and the chapel. I apologize on behalf of students who do not give you a second glance; most of us passing you are either just trying to get to food, class or bed.

I should warn you that your view will only get worse. Soon the world will be cursed with a season known as winter. All of those beautiful women wearing dresses and perfect hairdos will become hidden beneath a layer of UGG and North Face. You may notice that your cousin, the sidewalk, will be perpetually hidden under a sheet of ice. There will also be a strange torture device, driven by an older human, which will not remove this icy prison, but instead polish it making the surface extraordinarily slippery. I can imagine watching us students fall on our butts will be amusing and provide you temporary relief from the cold.

I also apologize that we have covered you in paint. You should get used to that. I think that is why they brought you here – away from your friends and family at whatever quarry you were cut. As of right now you have been respectfully painted, only by organizations carefully chosen to have the right to cover your skin with bright colors. You will advertise SPC activities, Greek life fundraisers, perhaps even sporting events.

However, I know that there will come a day when you will be ambushed in the middle of the night with spray paint and dark hooded figures only to be covered with poorly drawn graffiti and profanity.

Again, I am so sorry.

But do not worry McIntosh rock! You have been brought here to inspire students. As I said before, we are inheritably miserable creatures. Our only happiness comes from classes being canceled or bonus points on exams. We do not have time to seek inspiration from our own lives, so instead our school placed an idol of inspiration in front of us.

It is just an argument as to whether you inspire organizations to advertise on your flesh, or inspire drunken football players to push you over. But is it not wonderful that your existence here is to inspire others? You must feel a great sense of responsibility.

And sure, students may have preferred inspiring food, inspiring campus activities, or inspiring raises in scholarships over an inspiring rock…but you are inspiring none the less!

You are magnificent reminder that even the smallest of pebbles can grow up to be a boulder (and that SPC is having yet another bingo night). Perhaps one day you will see children of past students start arriving on campus, and then those children's children, generations of Ohio Northern polar bears each walking past your immortal resting place. You have got to admit that is pretty inspiring. So finally, welcome McIntosh rock. I hope you like it at Ohio Northern. You better like it. Eventually, us students get to leave …you are not that lucky.

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