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Peep Population Pulverized

Now, I am not a big fan of Peeps. I do not like how they taste. I do not like how their beady eyes follow me around a room. I do not like the weird color they stain your hands and mouth as the sugary sandpaper of a coating comes off. I do not like it when they are disguised by chocolate or playfully placed on easter cookie trays. 

All that being said, I cannot stand by and watch our school mutilate Peeps for the pure enjoyment of NOM milkshakes. Someone has to take a stand against these murders. 

I understand that milkshakes are an essential part of an ONU student's diet. I must admit, I have indulged in the occasional chocolate peanut butter blended beverage. 

But why Peeps? Is it because they are abundant this time of year? So are lazy almost-graduate seniors. Why can't we just gather a bunch of them together and see what they taste like blended together with vanilla ice cream? 

Also, why would you want to drink liquid peeps? I feel like that is similar to sipping on a cross of blended stuffed animals and liquified pastel crayons. Is it even appealing? 

Imagine how many peeps had to be murdered just for one ONU student to enjoy a milkshake. That's right. Murder. By drinking these milkshakes you are promoting murder. 

All I can think about is that one cotton candy blue bunny Peeps that was left in the container, as the rest of his family was torn from their cardboard home and thrown into a creamy ice cold grave. 

I wonder if Peeps feel emotions the same way that humans do. Was that lonely bunny Peeps scared? Did he understand what was happening? Did he let one small sugar crystal tear streak down his mouthless face as the blades of the blender ripped his family to shreds?

People who drink Peeps milkshakes should be appalled. I hope the screams of little sugary bunnies and chicks keeps them up at night. I hope that the marshmallow taste starts to leave them sick. I hope every time they see a Peep they stare into its dark unflinching gaze and confront the victim of their own gluttony. 

These people should at least have the decency to personally snap their sharp teeth around that little Peeps's neck as they enjoy the taste of its gelatin flesh, instead of sending it into a blender for a chilling and impersonal confrontation of death. I will not sleep until I have stopped the mass murder of Peeps! I stand as the lone voice for the voiceless. So stop into NOM and peep at that solemn torturous blending machine - and think twice before you order a milkshake with a side of murder. #freethePeeps

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