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Solutions discovered for Valentine's Day

That time of year is here. The hearts are being placed everywhere, flowers are shipped to doorsteps, chocolates run low in grocery stores – everything is coated in pink.

Many people call it Valentine’s Day, Hall­mark’s Christmas, or Cupid Appreciation Day. But most of us call it Singles Aware­ness Day.

There are plenty of activities for those dis­gustingly cute couples to partake in on Feb. 14. But, what should us miserably single people do? Here are a few suggestions to keep you busy and unaware on the one day of the year created solely to ruin your life as a single American.

1. Watch a romantic comedy alone. Spoiler alert: In the end, he falls in love with her and she falls in love with him. Af­ter the movie is done, make a list of reasons why it was terrible and how that kind of thing never happens in real life. Feel better already?

2. Buy all the chocolate from the C-store and sell it online for double the amount. We all know that half the guys on campus in relationships are going to forget that Valentine’s Day exists, and then last second scramble to find something for their special someone. Why not make a profit at their ex­pense? Those Betty Crocker microwavable brownies will sell like they’re made of gold.

3. Print out pictures of babies and tape them to the dorm doors of all the couples you know. No one wants to be reminded that their relationship could potentially involve more than a bunch of roses and chocolates. Threat of a future revolving around baby vomit and playing soccer mom can kill almost any mood.

4. Go out to dinner by yourself and pretend that you have been stood up on Val­entine’s Day. If you start crying you might get a free meal. Caution: It’s Valentine’s day. The chances of you getting a table by yourself are slim. The chances that the host­ess won’t judge you are even slimmer.

5. Buy yourself roses and then when all your couple friends ask who they are from just wink and giggle. They will spend almost all day wondering who sent you those flowers and will forget to engage in any pleasurable Valentine’s Day activities themselves. The last laugh belongs to you.

So there you have it. I wish all those singles out there a happy Singles Awareness Day, and all those couples a happy get-a-room-and-leave-us-alone eternity.

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